I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Then I read the book ‘The Way to Financial Freedom’ upside down on my chest and leaned back on my lounger. My gaze wandered over the washed-out, greyish clouds and lingered on the palm leaves above me, which moved gently in the 34°C warm wind, while my thoughts raced.

‘What would you do if you had unlimited time and money?’

This question from the book in front of me was somehow too abstract for me. I understood the meaning behind it. It was a trick question designed to explore how one’s own life could be made meaningful and fulfilling. ‘Infinity’ is supposed to allow you to break down your own mental barriers and let everything happen freely and easily. But I couldn’t get a feel for the question; it was just too far removed from my reality. ‘Infinite time and money – INFINITE.’ How are you supposed to imagine that?

I had an idea: what if I imagined I had won the Eurojackpot and suddenly had a cool 90 million euros in my bank account? 90,000,000 euros isn’t infinite money, but it’s a lot – at least for me. What would I do then?

90 million euros!

I tried to imagine the situation as concretely and tangibly as possible. Checking the numbers on the lottery ticket, my incredulous excitement when I realised they matched. The moment the money appeared in my account. And then?

I would probably be exuberant at first, in an ecstatic, almost high state, and celebrate accordingly. Invite friends over, eat at the best restaurant, shop without limits, maybe even throw a big party – or just take some time off spontaneously and enjoy a long luxury holiday somewhere warm. Somewhere where no one knows me and I can live out my new luxury to the fullest. But I probably wouldn’t quit my job right away. Not in the first few days. I would probably just get out of the house and go on holiday. And then?

The state of ecstasy wouldn’t last forever. It would probably even be quite short. After the ‘emotional orgasm,’ I would probably have to come to terms with it first – get my bearings. The glitter would slowly settle on the floor and normal life, everyday life, would resume. At some point, I would probably be lying by a pool in a luxury resort, wondering what I really wanted to do with the modest 89.97 million euros for the rest of my life. Because, to be honest, lying by a pool for the rest of my life, being waited on hand and foot, would be too boring for me. That’s not me. I also believe that with ‘infinite’ money, or even ‘only’ 90 million euros, in a state where I feel like I can buy almost anything, almost anything is possible for me, and everyone around me is superficially friendly, boredom and emotional numbness would probably be a big problem in the long run! So I would do something. Okay. But what?

‘Clack.’ Submissive and, as always, overly friendly, the pretty waitress from the pool bar placed an ice-cold gin and tonic on the table next to me. It was so warm today that the cold glass immediately fogged up on the outside and thick drops of water quickly ran down the glass onto the table.

I wiggled my feet, sipped my new gin and tonic and let my gaze wander over the azure blue pool of a mid-range resort on the Thai island of Koh Chang. Behind the pool, the sea glistened and several dark green rocky islands rose from the Gulf of Thailand on the horizon. Then it happened. Slowly, I felt it! Suddenly, I could put myself in the situation: I feel more and more truly infinitely rich – and without a plan for my future. A strange feeling. Somehow – lost. What do I do now?

“What am I going to do with the rest of my life?

Should I continue my thoroughly interesting job as a bodyguard, just to escape boredom? Or should I travel around forever, with the risk of never having a real home? Or should I buy a villa, shuffle around in a silk bathrobe all day and become addicted to drugs and alcohol due to a lack of ‘real’ emotions?

‘Art’ suddenly popped into my mind, crystal clear and distinct. I could already see myself in my mind’s eye, standing in front of my paintings in a bright, large studio, completely immersed in my work.

‘Art?! Can’t you think of anything better? Anything is possible, any situation imaginable, and you just want to continue pursuing your hobby?’

I asked myself critically, almost mockingly. But then I tried to imagine the situation as concretely and in as much detail as possible: getting up, having breakfast, going to the studio and working on my motifs. I could now also see myself travelling, discovering motifs, capturing them photographically and creating art from them. I saw myself having exhibitions all over the world and presenting my pictures in large and small galleries and museums.

‘And what if it doesn’t work? What if you don’t get any encouragement or recognition? What if no gallery or museum wants to exhibit your work? What if no collector wants to buy your pictures?’

‘Then I’ll do it anyway, because I’m free. Free from financial or time pressure, because I have the 89.97 million euros.’ That’s right…

I closed my eyes and felt a deep, inner smile spread across my face and my heart ‘open up’.

No, I really couldn’t think of anything ‘better’!

---

That was 2019.
Four years later, I looked out over the Gulf of Thailand again. It was 2023 and this time I was sitting in a speedboat surrounded by party and consumer tourists, lined up like chickens on a perch, with my headphones on, watching the people around me. The speedboat was travelling from Krabi via Koh Phi Phi to Phuket. Many of my fellow passengers seemed hungover and were just trying to get by. One couple had probably just smoked a joint and were now grinning and paralysed at the height of their high. Another couple seemed eager to find hotels and things to do. What they all had in common was that they were on their way to the next tourist attraction.

Until a few hours ago, I had been no different. I had spent the last four weeks travelling around the islands of Thailand with my girlfriend at the time, Franzi, and my friend Eike. We had relaxed, eaten good food and sometimes consumed too much alcohol – in other words, we had simply been on holiday. But in this situation, here in the boat, it suddenly dawned on me that things were different now. That I was different now. I wasn’t on my way to the next resort on the next dream island with white sandy beaches. My vague goal was no longer to ‘hang out’, party and just relax aimlessly. I now had a mission, a real goal.

I had something to do.

A lot had happened in the last four years. I had turned more and more to art, had become more focused, more serious and, above all, more professional in my intentions. My technique and personality had developed greatly and I had identified a theme: strength.

Exploring strength became a driving force in my life and spread particularly to my artistic work. Art is a tool for me, a vehicle with which I can approach the abstract complex of strength and weakness in a concrete and tangible way. But in 2023, I was only at the beginning of a great journey. I had not yet generated any income from my creative work, and since the 90 million euros did not really exist, I continued to earn my living exclusively from my full-time job as a bodyguard. I hadn’t had a major exhibition of my own yet, and I mainly used photos by other photographers as the basis for my motifs – instead of my own. That had been perfectly fine from a legal standpoint, but now it had to change urgently. It was no longer authentic for me!

I had wanted to take all my own photos for a long time. I wanted to travel the world and experience life – no longer as a tourist, but on a mission: to explore the diversity of strength and incorporate it into my work. I knew that this wasn’t necessarily the most effective or easiest way to create art. On the contrary, it was particularly arduous, laborious, expensive and time-consuming.

But it was also full of adventure, discoveries, stories and, above all, it was authentic – real! The next big step was coming, but I just couldn’t get out of my rut. Until that day, four years later, back on the coast of Thailand. Until the moment when I was once again shaken and then inspired by the words I had written down:

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”

Robert Ashe jr. | Theodore Roosevelt

I had time now, here and now, on holiday in Thailand. I had already been in Thailand for four weeks, but I still had a good two weeks of holiday left. I also had enough money and now plenty of motivation. I could spend the next ten days lying around by the pool, eating fried rice and drinking Chang beer, just like the last few weeks – OR I could just get started. Here and now. Identify objects of strength, travel to them, experience stories and adventures, and take motifs of strength home with me to my studio. ‘Yes!’ it screamed inside me. ‘Yes, just do it.’

The pain had become too much, the situation had changed.

But what could it be? What objects, between picture-postcard beaches and the tourist crowds at luxury resorts or hippie stalls, were authentic enough to inspire me?

trees

There are truly impressive, very large, very old trees in Thailand. They are almost majestic. The Thai people themselves have a very special relationship with nature, and trees in particular are a place of power, spirits and spirituality for them. The small ‘temples’ scattered everywhere testify to a belief in spirits that is deeply rooted in Thai culture alongside Buddhism. Large trees in particular are believed to have great power, so they often take centre stage in spiritual ceremonies. The many small offerings at these trees and the colourful fabrics wrapped around the giants illustrate that this belief is still alive today. On my hikes through the tropical forests of this warm and humid country, I often found myself standing in awe of these huge trees with their enormous above-ground roots. They were often so large and old that the people standing next to them looked very small and frail. These trees fascinated me greatly.

Full of energy, I let my gaze wander from the interior of the speedboat, past the stoners who had fallen asleep and the couple who were still busy making plans, to the horizon of the sea. Countless huge ‘rock islands’ passed by and the oppressive, humid heat drove sweat onto my forehead. I took a deep breath and exhaled even more slowly, as that deep, inner smile slowly spread across my face again.

My mission: The search for Thailand’s largest, widest and oldest tree