I take a deep breath and exhale slowly, tilt the book upside down on my chest and lean back on my lounger. My gaze sweeps over the ‘washed-out’ grey clouds and lingers on the palm leaves above me, gently swaying in the 34° C wind.

‘What would you do if you had infinite time and money’?

This question from the book is somehow too abstract for me. I understand the meaning behind it. It’s a trick question to find out how you can make your own life meaningful and fulfilling. But I can’t get a feel for the question, it’s just too far away. ‘Infinite time and money – INFINITE’ How can you imagine that?

90 million dollars!

I have an idea. How would it be if I imagined that I had hit the Eurojackpot and suddenly had a whopping 90 million dollar in my account? 90,000,000 dollar is not infinite money, but it’s quite a lot for me – at least for me. What would I do then?

I try to visualise the situation as concretely and tangibly as possible. Checking the figures, the incredulous excitement when I realise that they match. The moment when the money has been credited to my account. And then? I’d probably start off in an ecstatic, almost high state and celebrate accordingly. Eating out at the best restaurant, inviting friends round, shopping without limits, maybe even throwing a big party or simply taking time off straight away and enjoying an extended luxury holiday in the warmth. Where nobody knows me and I can fully enjoy my new luxury. But I probably wouldn’t give my notice just yet. Not in the first few days. I would probably just get out and go on holiday. And then? The state of ecstasy won’t last forever. It will probably even be quite short. After the ‘emotional orgasm’, I would probably have to get my bearings and find my bearings. The glitter would slowly settle on the floor and normal life, everyday life, would return. At some point, I would probably be lying by a pool in a luxury resort and ask myself what I really want to do with the 89.97 million dollars for the rest of my life? Because quite honestly: lying by some pool all day for the rest of my life and being served would be too boring for me. That’s not me. I also believe that with ‘infinite’ money, or even ‘just’ $ 90 million, in a state where I feel like I can buy almost anything, almost everything is made possible for me and everyone around me is (superficially) friendly as shit, boredom and lack of emotion would really be a big problem in the long run! So I would do something. Okay. But what?

‘Clack.’ Submissive and, as always, overly friendly, the pool bar waitress places an ice-cold gin and tonic on the table next to me. It’s so warm today that the cold glass immediately fogs up on the outside and thick drops of water quickly run down the glass wall onto the table.

I wiggle my feet, sip my gin and tonic and let my gaze wander over the azure blue pool of a mid-range resort on the Thai island of Koh Chang. The sea glistens behind the pool and several dark green rocky islands rise out of the Gulf of Thailand on the horizon. Then it happens. Slowly I feel it and suddenly I can put myself in the situation. More and more, I feel really infinitely rich – and without a plan for my future. A strange feeling. Somehow – lost.

“What am I going to do now? What am I going to do with the rest of my life?

Should I continue my interesting job as a bodyguard simply to escape boredom? Or should I travel around forever, with the risk of never having a real home? Or should I buy myself a villa, shuffle around all day in a silk bathrobe and become addicted to drugs and alcohol due to a lack of ‘real’ emotions?

‘Art’ suddenly pops into my head, crystal clear and distinct. I can already see myself in my mind’s eye, standing in front of my paintings in a bright, large studio, fully immersed in my work. “Art?! Is that the best you can come up with?”

‘EVERYTHING is possible, every thinkable situation and you just want to keep devoting yourself to your hobby?’ I ask myself critically and try to visualise the situation as concretely and critically as possible: Getting up, having breakfast, going to the studio and working on my motifs. I now also see myself travelling, discovering motifs, capturing them photographically and creating art from them. I see myself having exhibitions all over the world and presenting my pictures in large and small galleries and museums. “And if it doesn’t work? If you don’t get any encouragement or recognition? If no gallery wants to exhibit your work? If no collector wants to buy your pictures?” Then I’ll do it anyway, because I’m free. Free from financial or time pressure, because I have the 89.97 million dollars.

I close my eyes and feel a deep, inner smile spread across my face and somehow my heart ‘opens’. No, I really can’t think of anything “better”!

That was in 2019. Four years later, I’m looking out over the Gulf of Thailand again. It’s 2023 and this time I’m sitting in a speedboat in the middle of party and consumer tourists, lined up like chickens on a pole, with my headphones on and watching the people around me. The speedboat is travelling from Krabi via Koh Phi Phi to Phuket. Many fellow travellers seemed hungover and were just trying to get by. One couple had probably just had a joint and are now grinning and paralysed at the height of their intoxication. Another couple seemed eager to organise hotels and activities. What they all have in common is that they are on their way to the next tourist consumption.

Until a few hours ago, I had been no different. I had spent the last four weeks travelling around the islands of Thailand with my girlfriend Franzi and my mate Eike. We had relaxed, eaten good food and sometimes consumed too much alcohol – simply gone on holiday. But in this situation, here on the boat, I suddenly realised that things were different now. That I was different now. I wasn’t on my way to the next resort on the next dream island with white dream beaches and a perfected tourism industry. My vague goal was no longer to ‘bum around’, party and simply relax aimlessly. I now had a mission, a real goal. I had something to do.

A lot had happened over the last four years. I had turned more and more intensively to art, had become more focussed, more serious and, above all, more professional in my intentions. My technique and personality had developed considerably and a theme had been uncovered. Strength.

From then on, exploring strength became a driving force in my life and spread to my artistic work in particular. Art is a tool for me, a vehicle with which I can approach the abstract complex of strength and weakness in a concrete and more tangible way. In 2023, however, I was only at the beginning of a great journey. I had not yet generated any income from my creative work as the 90 million dollar did not exist, so I continued to generate my livelihood exclusively from my work as a bodyguard. I hadn’t had a big exhibition yet either and I mainly used photos by other photographers as the basis for my motifs instead of my own. That had been perfectly fine so far, but that had to change urgently now.

I had long wanted to photograph all my motifs myself. I wanted to travel the world and experience life – no longer as a tourist, but from then on on a mission: to explore the diversity of strength and process it in my works. I realised that this path was not necessarily the most effective and easiest way, but could be very arduous and time-consuming. But this path was also full of adventures, discoveries, stories and simply authentic, real. So the next big step was imminent, but I just couldn’t get out of the ‘quark’. Until one day, four years later, back on the coastline of Thailand. Until the moment when I was once again inspired and shaken by written words:

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”

freely adapted from Robert Ashe jr. | Theodore Roosevelt

I had time now, here at this moment, on holiday in Thailand. I had enough resources and now plenty of motivation. I could spend the next ten days lying around pools, eating fried rice and drinking Chang beer – OR I could just get started. Here and now. Identify objects of strength, travel to them, experience stories and adventures and take motifs of strength home to my studio. ‘Yes!’ it screamed inside me. ‘Yes, just do it’. The ‘pain’ had now become too great, the situation had tipped over.

But what could it be? Between postcard dream beaches and the tourist crowds of luxury resorts or hippie shacks, which objects were authentically strong enough to inspire me?

Trees! There are really impressive, very large, very old trees in Thailand. Almost majestic. The Thais themselves have a very special relationship with nature and the trees in particular are a place of power, spirits and spirituality for them. The small ‘temples’ scattered everywhere bear witness to a belief in spirits, which is deeply rooted in Thai culture, alongside Buddhism. The large trees in particular are believed to have great power, which is why they are often at the centre of spiritual ceremonies. The many small offerings made to these trees and the wrapping of the giants in colourful fabrics show that this belief is still alive. On my hikes in the forests through this warm and humid land, I have often been amazed by these huge trees with their enormous above-ground roots. They were often so big and old that the people next to them seemed very small and downright weak. I was fascinated by these trees.

Full of zest for action, I let my gaze wander from inside the speedboat, over the stoners who had fallen asleep in the meantime and the couple who were still busy planning, out to the horizon of the sea. Countless, huge ‘rock islands’ passed us by and the oppressive, humid heat drenched my forehead in sweat. I inhaled deeply and exhaled even more slowly, while that deep, inner smile slowly returned to my face.

My mission: The search for the largest, widest and oldest tree in Thailand